The feeling of anxiety is real. Almost numbs my other senses. It’s difficult to think, to know what to do or say or write. It is overwhelming to think of the huge vastness, not only of the Internet but of space itself.
Yet here I am, in a room which isn’t mine, wondering what to write to you: You are no one, nothing at this precise moment when I write this. Not a real thing I can touch right now. Yet you exist. You are everything. You are every one. Maybe you are someone I wish I was, maybe you are just a dream of mine.
Yet here I am, in a room which isn’t mine, realizing that the words that my brain spits out don’t even make sense to me. It is obvious that all these written texts happen after refining this continuous process of creation. But what does it matter?
Yet here I am, in a room which isn’t mine, writing in a language that is not even my own mother tongue. But then again, I would still be in the same situation. The thoughts, the words, they are a continuous blob of meaningless content, no matter in which language I think. I am just hoping that someone else will make a meaning out of them. Hopefully, that’s you. But if it’s not, that’s ok. You are like me. We are humans after all. Humans…
But what is human? Is it human to kill, to be despicable to others, to be selfish about your interests, what you want, what you need? All this is part of the human condition. The consumerism that will consume our own existence. Or will it not? Have we managed to create our own demise before managing to create AI (Artificial Intelligence) to do that for us? Of course, we have, but the fuck if I know. Correction: I really don’t know but I also don’t care. There you go, more selfishness for you. After all, we are also the greediest of all species out here and out there. Are we not?
Well …you, reader, may still be wondering what this is all about. I will try to give you an insight. Because this text is the first time I let my words flow and stay written in text. This is a first preview of my mind, a human mind. Imagine all the superpowers heroes in these new Marvel comics have. I bet you’ve been asked at some point in your life what kind of superpower would you like to have. Well, I am giving you the power to read minds. As always, there are limitations. With this, I only give you the power to learn what I am thinking, right now, at 16: 38, on the 5th January 2018 in a very gloomy afternoon here in Zurich, Switzerland. I am letting you inside my mind, inside the all so many depressive feelings and thoughts I have been having all these years, all those fears that, as your powers improve, you will get to learn first hand. The needs, the angst for improvement and for finding a way out of the masses and to a better place where I can feel more comfortable with myself, without having to hate being inside of this body 24/7. Without being so lost in life.
I promise you that, one day, you will know everything.